


Beware Percy Weasley, Worst Secret Santa Ever

by katmarajade



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gift Exchange, Male-Female Friendship, Office Romance, Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-03-02 20:30:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2825168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katmarajade/pseuds/katmarajade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Percy's plan to get the perfect Secret Santa present for the gorgeous woman at his office goes spectacularly awry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beware Percy Weasley, Worst Secret Santa Ever

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gelsey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gelsey/gifts).



> Written for Gelsey as part of my annual holiday gift fic series.

When someone suggested an intra-office Secret Santa, everyone was shocked at how quickly Percy volunteered to head up the operation. He was not exactly known for his holiday spirit or for his interest in interpersonal relations of any kind. He was, however, extremely organised and efficient, and it was a busy time of year, so the group eagerly allowed him to take over.

No one suspected that Percy had an ulterior motive. By organising the exchange himself, he could take his pick of the names, and he knew _exactly_ whom he wanted for his Secret Santa: Miss Audrey Archer, public relations secretary. Having admired her composure, skill, and capability for the better part of a year, (not to mention her long, curly, auburn hair; her bright, intelligent, brown eyes; and her impeccable posture) Percy wanted an opportunity to show his regard in a low-pressure way—like an office gift exchange.

If she liked her present and seemed impressed, then he could take credit and perhaps make a more overt move. If not, it would be easy to pass it off as just a silly little gift; everyone knew that Percy didn't spend much time on such nonsense, after all. It was a perfect plan.

It wasn't until after he had passed around the hat of names and carefully charted who had whom that he realised his plan had one minor but potentially fatal flaw: he hadn't the faintest idea what to get her!

First off, he decided to investigate. He simply needed to see what her interests were. His attempt to make conversation while surreptitiously scoping out her desk was a colossal failure. Not only did he accidentally interrupt her in the middle of an important assignment, but he also managed to knock an entire cup of quills, a decorated inkwell, and a framed photo off her desk, shattering the glass in the frame in the process.

His rapid litany of apologies and his flustered _Reparo_ made him flush fiercely, and he retreated feeling utterly foolish. No doubt that debacle would be hot office gossip—the boss acting like a clumsy boor. He sighed and vowed to try again after hours when he could snoop in peace. In his planning, however, he'd forgotten that Audrey worked as late as (and often even later than) he did. His growling stomach forced him home, while she was still scribbling away at a press release.

Discouraged, he came up with Plan B. He would ask for advice. It seemed a wise and simple plan, but the crux was who to ask. His siblings might have great ideas, but that path also involved weeks—potentially months or even _years_ — of teasing, which Percy was keen to avoid.

After much pondering, he decided on Penelope. Penelope Clearwater was an ex-girlfriend, but they'd remained quite friendly after they'd parted ways. She was now happily married to a Muggle Professor of Literature and worked as a healer at St Mungo's. She was also the least likely person on Percy's list to laugh at him.

They met for lunch the following day, and while Penelope definitely smiled a lot and teased him just a little, she didn't laugh. Her suggestion was chocolates—the good, fancy sort. Almost everyone liked chocolate, it was theorised in the Wizarding medical community that it improved both general health and mood, and it was romantic while not being overbearing. Percy appreciated her thorough, well thought out suggestion, and he began researching chocolatiers that evening after work.

Audrey's reaction was even better than Percy could have hoped. She beamed and raved over the beautiful candies—rich dark chocolate truffles, chocolate covered bourbon caramels, and exquisitely formed milk chocolate seashells with silky hazelnut filling.

Percy was just working up the courage to reveal himself as her Secret Santa when Audrey's expression changed to one of worry and she started breathing heavily.

"Are you all right, Ms Archer?" Percy immediately inquired, moving closer.

"Percy … I need … St Mungo's … allergic … " Audrey's words came out in wheezy little gasps that cast a wave of panic over Percy's entire being. Had he done this? No time to dwell on that now, he had to help her. Oh Merlin, she was turning blue!

His brain funnelled into a frenetic whorl of choices, but with a little effort, he pulled himself from his own mental chaos and was able to think clearly. There were anti-Apparition wards up in the Ministry, designed to allow employees to Apparate in and out of the building only from designated areas. Similar wards were in place at St Mungo's. A sudden flash of inspiration hit him, and Percy scooped a now gasping Audrey into his arms and dashed towards the fireplace in his office, a very short distance away. His office was connected to Penelope's office at St Mungo's on the Floo Network, which would save him valuable time and allow him to bypass the security precautions in both buildings.

It was sheer luck that Penelope happened to be having lunch at her desk when Percy and Audrey tumbled through the Floo. Ignoring the dust and ash on his robes, Percy frantically explained the situation, and Penelope wasted no time in casting a charm to clear Audrey's airway while one of her interns ran to grab the proper Potion to alleviate the allergic reaction.

"Have you had a reaction like this before, Ms Archer?" Penelope asked, once Audrey's breathing had stabilised.

"Yes, sorry. I'm usually quite careful about it. I'm allergic to hazelnuts, actually, and there must have been some in the chocolates I ate this morning."

Penelope pinched her lips together in an effort not to laugh at Percy's devastated expression.

"I'm so sorry!" he exclaimed. "That was my fault. I was your Secret Santa. I had no idea you were allergic! I could have killed you!" Percy covered his eyes with a shaking hand, feeling like the absolute worst person who had ever existed in the world.

"Percy." Audrey's voice was gentle, as was her hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. I'm fine and it was a lovely present. I know better than to eat things without checking on the ingredients. There is no way that you could have known my complete medical history. I didn't include it on my little name slip in the hat, now did I? Really, it's _fine_."

Penelope rose from her desk, clearing her throat. "It looks like you two have this well in hand. I'll just give you a moment, shall I?" She gave Percy an unsubtle wink as she took leave of her own office, only adding to his mortification.

"I'm so sorry," Percy repeated, finally working up the courage to look Audrey in the eye. "I'll get you another Secret Santa present of course. I'm sorry this one was so completely awful."

Audrey gave him a small smile and shook her head. "It's fine, Percy. Really. Other than the hazelnuts, those chocolates were incredible."

"Yeah, other than that." Percy shook his head woefully.

"You know," Audrey said with a curious glint in her eyes that made Percy very nervous. "If you really wanted to get me something else as a no-longer-terribly-secret Santa present, I might suggest taking me for a festive drink."

Blinking madly, Percy tried to parse her meaning, not quite willing to let himself trust what he thought she'd just said. Audrey met his astonished gaze with an encouraging smile. Percy felt a rush of heat and knew that his face must be some horrifying shade of fuchsia.

"A drink, yes. I can do that!" Percy tried valiantly to keep his grin from taking over his entire flushed face. Then, because he couldn't quite help it, he deadpanned, "I hear that the Leaky Cauldron recently got in a lovely new hazelnut liqueur."

The way Audrey's head fell back when she laughed, Percy mused, made the whole humiliating and terrifying experience worthwhile. 


End file.
